dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
