So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
