Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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