Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
