I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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