I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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