Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
