A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
