I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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