I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
