i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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