I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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