theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
