At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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