I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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