she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
