Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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