my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
