At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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