so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Boobs are out for the taking
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
