Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
