I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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