Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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