I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
