Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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