I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
