GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
