my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
