I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
