just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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