Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
