Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
