I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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