i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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