if you like me you must not know who I am
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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