now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
