i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
