gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
