I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love having hate sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
