she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
