at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Two words: blizzard sex
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
