I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
