I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
