she was so not down for the gang bang
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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