Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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