life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
