Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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