I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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