Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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