its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
not ubering you a puppy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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