That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
