So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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