Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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