trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
