on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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