The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
