My girlfriend figured out who you are.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Couch. On fire.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
