I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
