Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
