I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
