I hate all girls vehemently.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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