I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
