btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
