I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
