Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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