how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
