Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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