So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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